Is It Time to Pull the Plug?
The vast majority of private music lesson teachers only work with students who are between the ages of 8 and 9 or older. This is partly because once students are in 2nd or 3rd grade they have early reading and math skills that help them with music lessons. Additionally, a student that age can usually sit still and focus for 10-15 minutes of practice and can manage a 30-minute lesson easily.
On the other hand, Early Learners (ages 4 to 7) can be tricky to work with and present something of a challenge. At A Kopp Music, it took us years and a lot of refining to make it look easy.
Ultimately though, maybe one in every 12 of our Early Learners might feel the need to take a break. Typically, you’ll see the signs of this when they’re about two to three months into lessons. The novelty of the instrument may have worn off and although music lessons do incorporate a fair amount of play, these younger students start to see their music lessons as work.
Early Learners expect that any learning situation is centered around play. And while formal music learning can be play to a point, when instruments are involved they still need to be handled or cared for properly. That’s why play is somewhat restricted as these instruments are not toys. They are (expensive) tools for big kids and adults.
Musical learning through play needs to transition from the lesson to home practice as well. This is a major reason why we don’t have a set practice time for young students. Thirty minutes seems like FOREVER to a young child. (Every parent out there knows this by the time their child reaches the age of 4.) However, Early Learners can count to three and as such, can play their assigned songs three times every day with some gentle coaxing and guidance from their parents.
In the end, we have to cut them some slack. Many 4-year-olds are still transitioning out of toddlerhood. While as instructors, we try to discern readiness through an evaluation at the start of their musical journey, we can’t always account for this type of (very normal) regression.
Unlike older students, The Lego Speech doesn’t really have much of an impact. Instead, the conversation about continuing on with lessons is very different and one that includes the parent. When this conversation takes place, it’s usually in response to a very specific question.
The Question
Once upon a time, long, long ago, we were working with a pair of young siblings. The younger brother was a kindergartener. One day, midway through his lesson, he turned to Andy and asked when his lesson would be done? Andy looked at the clock and replied, “In 15 minutes.” Unfortunately, Andy’s answer was not what the child had hoped to hear. After a few more minutes and a few more “are we done yet?” questions, it occurred to Andy that his student wasn’t asking when his lesson would be done that day. He wanted to know when he’d be done forever!
There are several things to learn from this.
- Not every Early Learner has built up the language skills or vocabulary to ask this kind of big question.
- When they do ask this question, it typically comes after a couple of weeks of mild pushback which may look like a loss of enthusiasm or resistance to practicing at home.
- Future Success or Forever Resentment hinges on how the next moments are handled.
Other Signs that It Might Be Breaktime
In addition to “the question,” parents may observe other behaviors exhibited by their Early Learner at home:
- “Forgetting” their instrument, misplacing their instruction book, or needing a bathroom break right when it’s practice time.
- Frequent complaining such as, “Do I have to?” “This is dumb!” or “I’m really bad at this.”
- Dragging their feet bytaking forever to set up, tune, or start practicing.
- Meltdowns before lessons or practice such as tears, frustration, or anxieties that weren’t there before.
- Suddenly tired on lesson day, but fine immediately afterward.
- No interest in showing or sharing what they’ve learned.
- No longer asking questions or showing interest in new pieces.
- Playing mechanically and lacking joy or excitement.
- Negative self-talk such as, “I’ll never be good at this,” or “I hate piano/violin/etc.”
- Shift in interest from music to other pastimes such sports, art, or TV programs.
- Negative peer influence with complaints of “Nobody else has to do this” or “Tommy’s mom let him quit.”
Quitting Isn’t Forever
Our best advice for young parents with little ones? Let them quit. It’s really ok, we promise!
Past Early Learner students who quit tended to revisit the piano later on. When we re-enroll these children they sometimes remember their lessons, and sometimes they don’t. When they return to us they are usually excited and tend to greet us like old friends. And usually this second time around is met with more enthusiasm and success for no other reason than they are a little older and ready to take on lessons.
When this happens, we may sometimes use the same materials. If the child is significantly older (age 8 and up) we may switch to a set of materials that are more age appropriate for them. But even when we use old materials these students don’t see the lessons as repeated content. It still feels new to them.
If you have an Early Learner who is fighting the process, don’t push it and don’t fight it. Just stick a pin in it and let them quit…for now. It’s really not the hill to die on. Save your strength for other battles.
Remember, quitting isn’t necessarily forever and when they are ready, the experience will be far more pleasant for both them and you.
If you have questions or concerns about your Early Learner, feel free to reach out to us. We’re here to help and to make your student’s music lessons a positive experience for all.
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